Hello All!
Work
Over time work has changed. In the past
it was work to help support a family. Everyone contributed. Families had a lot
of time to talk, learn from each other, and bond. In today's society the father
and/or mother works to provide for the family. There is very little family
time. Work can help people come closer together. When I was younger I remember
helping my father mow the lawn. I would stand closer to the mower and he would
stand behind me and we would push. It was a time that I remember bonding with
my father. We worked hard, but had time to be together.
"We read an article for class that
I though was very good. It talked about this idea. Here is a story from it and
the link:
Several years ago one of my students, a
young mother of two daughters, wrote of the challenges she experienced learning
to feel a strong bond with her firstborn. Because this daughter was born
prematurely, she was taken from her mother and kept in isolation at the
hospital for the first several weeks of her life. Even after the baby came
home, she looked so fragile that the mother was afraid to hold her. She felt
many of the inadequacies typical of new mothers, plus additional ones that came
from her own rough childhood experiences. As time passed, she felt that she
loved her daughter, but suffered feelings of deficiency, often to the point of
tears, and wondered, "Why don't I have that 'natural bond' with my first
child that I do with my second?"
Then she learned about the idea of
working together as a means to build bonds. She purposely included her daughter
in her work around the house, and gradually, she recalls, "our
relationship . . . deepened in a way that I had despaired of ever
realizing." She describes the moment she realized the change that had
taken place:
One morning before
the girls were to leave [to visit family in another state], Mandy and I were
sitting and folding towels together, chattering away. As I looked at her, a
sudden rush of maternal love flooded over me--it was no longer something that I
had to work at. She looked up at me and must have read my heart in my
expression. We fell laughing and crying into each other's arms. She looked up at
me and said, "Mom, what would you do without me?" I couldn't even
answer her, because the thought was too painful to entertain."
Fatherhood
"One of the most
important influences a father can have on his child is indirect—fathers
influence their children in large part through the quality of their
relationship with the mother of their children. A father who has a good
relationship with the mother of their children is more likely to be involved
and to spend time with their children and to have children who are
psychologically and emotionally healthier. Similarly, a mother who feels
affirmed by her children's father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy
relationship is more likely to be a better mother. Indeed, the quality of the
relationship affects the parenting behavior of both parents. They are more
responsive, affectionate, and confident with their infants; more
self-controlled in dealing with defiant toddlers; and better confidants for
teenagers seeking advice and emotional support."
Here is a quote about
the importance of fathers. When the relationship between the husband and wife
is strong with appropriate boundaries then the family is stronger for it.
